Take any man. On any Friday night. Anywhere in the world. And I can bet you there's only one place he'd rather be - Between the legs of a woman lying on her back.
Which is why Michael Stone found it slightly awkward that this Friday night found him flat on his back with a woman between his legs.
She had her fist planted firmly down into his sternum. He struggled for a moment, trying to get free. Grace Wong smiled as she calmly added more pressure against his torso. Mike wasn't going anywhere.
I can still save myself from this embarrassment, he figured. So he locked his feet together behind her back and began to squeeze her with his knees.
Grace responded by merely leaning forward and resting her entire upper body weight on the centre of Mike's chest. He wheezed like a deflatable pillow.
"You done yet, Nak Muay?" she grinned cheekily.
Mike tapped.
The first question you get asked when you join any martial art class is, 'have you trained in any other martial art before?' You'd think an answer like Muay Thai would earn you nods of respect. Not at a Brazillian Jiu Jitsu dojo, apparently.
You see, a month ago Mike's Muay Thai instructor Kiw Eikkasit disappeared off the face of the Earth. Some said he was dead. Some said he'd joined an underground cage fighting ring in Borneo. Some said he'd become the bodyguard of a triad boss in Macau. Mike says we'll never know. But I say that's a different story.
Which brings us to how Mike ended up enrolling in Brazillian Jiu Jitsu (salsa classes were still out of the question). BJJ sits on the opposite end of the spectrum from Muay Thai. In Muay Thai, the fight ends when your opponent hits the ground. In BJJ, however, the fight begins when your opponent hits the ground.
Unlike the striking arts, BJJ is made up solely of grappling, maneuvering and submission. So while you may not go home with a black eye, dislocated joints and torn muscles are rather common. The next time you see Mike, remember to ask him why he has one crooked finger.
"Change partners," the head instructor called out, resetting his stopwatch.
"Oss..." Mike and Grace bowed to each other and bumped fists. Very few experiences in a man's life are as humbling as losing a fight to a girl.
And although his next opponent was not a girl, Mike's dirt eating for the night was far from over.
Chong Kah Jin with his coloured mohawk looked very much like a DVD pirate. But the guy held a black belt in Judo. He snickered sinisterly as he bumped fists with Mike, and immediately Mike knew that this was going downhill.
Within 20 seconds of the starting whistle, Mike and Ah Jin were tangled like a pair of octopuses.
Within 25 seconds, Mike noticed Ah Jin's legs wrapping themselves around either side of his head.
Mike began to feel like he was trying to breathe through a needle hole. His arms began flailing involuntarily... So this is what it's like to be choked unconscious.
"You know what I like most about BJJ, Nak Muay?" Ah Jin asked between gritted teeth as he pulled Mike's head closer in. "...knowing that the last thing my opponent will think about before he passes out is the smell of my sweaty crotch."
Maybe salsa lessons weren't such a bad idea after all.
